The Shrinking Teen Years

And The Extended Childhood Phenomenon

I realized after I wrote the last post, that some may think I was, perhaps, trying to qualify as a good thing the phenomenon of extended childhood. While I do think we should support this group of young people in different ways and meet them where they are, it is because the course has already been set for the teens in this group (iGen supposedly spans from 2012–2015). Parents, educators and even policy makers have played a huge role in the attitudes and behaviors of teens today. While the reasons for extended childhood are mostly good (safer living environments, parents having fewer children, more involved parents, longer life expectancy), the truth is these changes are concerning to parents (who think their kids will never grow up) to the kids themselves (who appear to be more afraid of growing up than previous generations) (Twenge, 2017). Rather than push them into life stages that they are not ready for (and that we have not prepared them for), it would be far wiser to meet these young people where they are and help them be the best versions of themselves.

I’ve talked to parents who are so frustrated with their teens’ lack of motivation, unwillingness to plan for the future and avoidance of responsibilities. I think we can all acknowledge that these are complaints that parents have been making for decades, not just since 2012. However, according to the data, parents of teens today are raising some of the youngest teenagers of our time.

It seems this is what is happening with kids today. However, we may find that the subgroup of iGen currently aged 13–18 will end up living out their teen years in their 20's.

Don’t you remember how annoyed you were when people referred to you as “a child” or “kid” when you were a teenager? Well, teens today are actually referring to themselves as “kids” (Twenge, 2017). According to the research, teens today seem relatively content with their parents’ helicoptering and are actually fighting less with their parents than teens from previous generations.

These things may sound like wonderful changes to many parents! So maybe prolonging childhood isn’t so bad after all. Maybe it’s good that kids are allowed to be kids a little longer. Maybe it’s good that our world allows childhood to continue into our early 20's.

Like me, you’re probably weighing the good and the bad in this. If you have teens or work with teens, you may have noticed some slight changes between Millennial teens and iGen teens. Most pronounced in my work with teens has been the decline in “teenager-ness.” Teens today don’t seem like the teens depicted in popular films or like those in the past (and even the not-so-distant past).

But while teens today may be better behaved, less defiant, less likely to go out and party, drink and have sex, they are also less independent, less mature and less likely to be excited about adulthood than what we remember from the teen years. So, I think the best answer is to not have the same expectations of the teens today as we did of the teens of the past. Expecting the same will lead to disappointment, undo stress and pressure, and a feeling of being out of place.

Perhaps the younger kids in iGen (and whatever comes after them) will be raised differently because their parents will raise them differently (as more Millennials become parents, they may have different rearing practices than the Gen X parents). But for now, let’s take the good with the bad and rethink the standard life milestones and benchmarks — we may need to push them back a few years.

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