How to Support How to Support Someone Through Grief

In light of recent events, grief is a topic that is heavy on the hearts of people everywhere. It seems that there has been news of so many deaths in just this past week. From Tyler Gwozdz to Kobe Bryant and the 8 other victims of the helicopter crash, the list feels unending. It’s times like these that we ask ourselves, “why does this keep happening?”, “how do we stop this?”, “what do we do?”.

Oh how I wish I knew the answers to these questions. How much easier life would be.

While I can’t tell you why tragedy like this seems to keep striking, I can tell you what we can do in the wake of it.

We are not meant to go through life alone.

The greatest gift you can give a hurting person is your love and support.

But how do we do that? What is the best way to handle such fragile and painful situations?

Here are 5 tips on how to support someone going through grief.

When someone is grieving, I think it’s so easy for us to fall into “fix it” mode. Not that the loss of a person can be fixed. But we try to take away the pain. We want to distract, change the subject, and move on.

Because to be completely honest, watching someone in pain is uncomfortable. And it hurts us too.

But it’s important to remember that avoidance is unhealthy. Grief demands to be experienced.

If healing is the ultimate goal, it cannot be ignored. It’s good to talk about it and to feel all of the feelings that grief brings.

So, if you’re helping someone who is grieving, don’t try to fix it. Don’t try to distract them from the pain. Instead, be there with them while they face it. Stick by their side and hold them through it.

One of the things I’ve learned through my times of grieving is that it’s not just one emotion. It’s all encompassing and honestly somewhat of a roller coaster. One moment you’re feeling okay, the next tears are spilling out of your eyes like a waterfall, and the next you’re so angry you could hit something.

Understand this and be there for them through it all. Be their person to laugh with when they can muster a laugh. Be their shoulder to cry on when they need to cry. Stick by them through the roller coaster of emotions that grief is.

A big part of life after loss is finding balance. There should be a healthy balance between feeling all of the feelings of grief and starting to get back to normal life. Because the hard truth is that even after death, life goes on.

It feels really wrong to continue on normally. It seems only right that life should come to a stop while we grieve.

But it doesn’t. Laundry still needs to be done, dishes need to be washed, groceries need to be bought. The Earth keeps spinning.

So the best thing you can do is to encourage them to slowly get back to doing normal things.

Start by simply encouraging them to shower and put on a fresh pair of clothes each day. Later, you can urge them to start a load of laundry or wash the dishes in the sink. Offer to do chores and run errands with them.

Let it happen at their pace. But encourage them through all of it. Let them know that you’re there for them even through the simple and mundane things.

Like I mentioned above, doing normal things after loss feels wrong. Apart from everyday tasks, grieving people also have a tendency to neglect their own health.

Make sure they are eating and drinking water. Buy them vitamins to take each day to make sure they are getting enough nutrients. Bring them a bottle of Advil PM to make sure they are getting sleep at night.

(Tip: you can take Advil PM each night, for a short period of time, and it won’t negatively affect your health).

It is so important that their health is taken care of as much as it can be.

Let your friend know that you will be there to listen when they need to talk about it. In fact, encourage them to talk about it (But be careful not to push too hard).

Let them know that there is no judgment and that what they say is safe with you… And mean that.

Being there for someone who is grieving requires selflessness. It is not about you. It’s about them and making them feel supported and loved. And the job is so critical to the healing of the grieving person.

I hope this post has shed some light on some of the ways we can be there for the people around us who are hurting from loss.

Have any tips that I didn’t share? I’d love to hear about them in the comments!

-Keegan

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