What it Takes to Lead Honest Conversations

Advice from a recovering people pleaser.

There is nothing that used to paralyze me more than the thought of having an honest conversation with someone I was close to in my life about something they did that was upsetting or wrong. I was raised in a family that doesn’t talk about anything deep or personal, meaning I learned a lot of unhealthy communication habits. It’s no surprise that this didn’t serve me well in my adult relationships.

I was incapable of giving honest feedback to anyone and didn’t even know where to start if felt I needed to speak up. Ultimately I become a quiet, people pleaser absorbing the impact of everything around me. It took a toll on my health as well as the stability of my relationships.

And then I started a business with a friend which did nothing but shine a glaring spotlight on my inability to communicate honestly (newsflash: it didn’t end well). On the bright side, the experience forced me to learn a lot about having difficult, honest conversations in a constructive way. I realized I can’t serve anyone, including myself if I’m not honest in the moments that it matters.

Being a people pleaser to the point you can’t express your feelings to others in a healthy way only causes more harm in the long run. It’s easy to make a choice in the moment to avoid an awkward conversation. But that makes your relationships dysfunctional in the long run and will ultimately destroy them, along with your mental health and wellbeing. The longer you avoid these conversations and bottle things up, the more it adds to your stress and inhibits your ability to contribute to the world in a positive way.

Taking the time to have honest conversations and give constructive feedback allows for growth in relationships, whether it’s with a significant other, family member, friend, or co-worker.

Here are 5 things I’ve learned about leading honest conversations and giving constructive feedback. Hopefully, they help you too.

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