Can you get PPD when kids are 3 and 5?

I love my kids and was obsessed with them when they were babies. I think I was skin to skin contact for two months, breastfed, everything. Then… I got depressed. I think it’s because I stopped taking care of myself and going out because I was all about my kids.

Now they are 3 and 5 and holy shit, I can’t do it, the whining, complaining, fighting, throwing trash, spilling everything, etc.

I can’t have anything nice, can’t ever have a clean house, no alone time. I try not to yell much but when I do it’s when I hit the top and I raise my voice loud. I never cuss or hit. But really inside I just wanna scream. I’m a horrible mom now. Don’t even know if this is me or if I’m depressed anymore.

I’m in my bathtub crying right now. Googling “I don’t want to be a mom anymore” but the thought of ever losing them makes me sick to my stomach, I’d probably die of heartbreak if I ever lost them. So why am I like this?

When my kid yells that he hates me it really hurts my feelings. I feel I give everything I have, I give the kids everything and I get nothing in return. Not even a clean house. I buy something nice, they break it. I replace the carpet they spill on it.

Then I sit here feeling horrible because I’m gonna look back at this time and wish I could see them this little again but at the moment I’m struggling. I feel like I’m ruining them.

I think about my previous life. I was happy, I had friends, I had money. I could have paid all debt off by now but ha!!! Not even close when I have to pay $1600 a month for daycare.

I’m a bad mom.

Now I’m just venting and saying things I wish I could say out loud. I feel like shit for feeling like this which brings me down even more on top of what I’m already feeling.

I don’t even know who I am anymore. And the sad thing about it is they are preschool all day so I barely see them and still feel like this.

My husband had them one day and they were great, the moment I get home they act completely different. Start whinnying, fighting, constantly touching me. DH says “they weren’t like this 5 minutes ago” must be nice.

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