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Nobody Can Take Your Decisions Away From You

I recently came across this question on Quora:

The moment I saw this, I became so incredibly angry, I couldn’t control myself. I simply had to write an answer to this. To me, it stood symbolically for all those parents who are trying to forge their children into something, which they simply aren’t.

These parents are basically telling their children:

“This is who you (don’t) have to be, or I won’t love you!”

In this way, society is trying to tell us who we should be. It is streamlining us into an army of willing followers, who simply do everything in the way that is expected of them.

Through millions of small acts like these, slowly our power to make our own decisions is being taken away from us.

You see, I am not angry specifically at this person who asked the question.

I am angry at the fact that we have systematically learned that it is ‘normal’ to have expectations of other people to the point that we are shaping their lives into something that they never wanted.

They better get their sh*t together, or we punish them.

We punish them by slowly marginalizing them. By reducing their standing in society. By depriving them of their opportunities. By not allowing them to be a part of the community.

In this way, society clearly tells us what our standing in society is. Where we should be, and where we should stay. What choices we should make in life, in order to be an accepted member of society.

I say:

Hell with this.

I’ll just do whatever I think is right for me. And anybody who wants to tell me what to do, will get a polite bye bye from me. If they can’t accept me for who I am, then I won’t even bother dealing with them.

If they want to deprive me of any of my rights, then so be it.

I’ll just carve my own path forward.

As a result of this accusation, he was finally sentenced to three lifetimes in prison, for accused triple homicide.

When Carter showed up at the prison, he was wearing a tailored suit, a $5,000 diamond ring and a gold watch.

First thing, he asked to be taken to the person in charge.

Looking the warden deeply in the eye, he said:

Carter made a clear decision.

Other people, no matter whether that was the judges, the guards, or other inmates, couldn’t harm him.

They could deprive him of everything else, but he wouldn’t give up the one thing that was always in his control: his attitudes, his thoughts and his choices.

If they wanted to physically touch him or deprive him of his possessions, then they would have to fight.

The result was that everybody pretty much left him alone. He didn’t participate in any activities in prison, including voluntary activity that could reduce his sentence. He would also not wear a uniform, eat prison food, or accept any visitors.

He focused all his energy on one thing:

Studying his legal case, and finding a way of getting his sentence revoked. He would learn everything he could, so that he could leave the place where he was forced to be against his own will.

Meanwhile, he also read every book he could get his hands on, learned as much about any subject as he could, and continued to work out, so that he would leave prison a better man, than he was before.

It took nineteen years to prove that he was innocent.

He left the prison, and simply resumed his life. He didn’t try to recover the damages or even request an apology from the court. All he focused on from now on, was to make the most out of his life.

As he always had.

Carter understood something incredibly powerful. He understood that nobody could harm him. No matter what happened to him, he was always the one in control of deciding how it would affect him.

No matter what society does to us, it can not control the way we think, act and feel. And, even more importantly, it can not control the way we react and what we do with the conditions we find ourselves in.

Your mind is your own.

Your attitudes are your own.

Your decisions are your own.

Society has no right to tell you how you should live your life or what you should do with it. It has no right to put limitations on you — as long as you don’t harm anybody.

Nobody knows what is best for you.

Only you yourself know what you want. Only you understand the things that will make you fulfilled, satisfied and happy with yourself.

You don’t need to accept anything anybody tells you about what you can and what you can’t do. You don’t need to accept anything anybody ever tells you about how ‘responsible members of society’ should live their life and what they should do.

Not even if it’s your parents. Not even if it’s your partner. Not even if it’s the president of your country.

Hell, not even if it’s god.

It is never the right decision to change yourself against your own will, only for the sake of pleasing the people around you. This will only make you unhappy and dissatisfied with your life.

This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t accept any constructive feedback. All it means is that in the end, the power to decide what you want, and what you don’t want to do, always remains with you.

If anybody doesn’t accept your decisions and doesn’t accept you for who you are, then they don’t deserve to be a part your life.

No further discussion necessary.

Society will keep trying to shape you into something you are not. Resist it. Stay in control over who you are. Retain the power to be yourself and make your own decisions.

Because if you don’t, then you will be miserable.

As soon as your are no longer in control over your own decisions, the only possible outcome, is that you will start hating yourself, for who you have become.

Surround yourself with people who accept you for who you truly are. Always remain true to yourself. Never forget the things you value and believe in.

Take a clear position for the things that you care about, and don’t allow anybody to force you into doing anything, which you don’t want to do with all your heart.

Be the real you, not anybody else.

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